Ethos
How We Walk Together
When we enter an IFS community space, it is useful to enter that space the way we might enter any sacred community space, a dojo, temple, or mosque. It is like moving through an airlock. On one side of the airlock is the everyday mind that is often tangled with the noise of our less than mindful ways of being in the world. On the other side of the airlock is a space that is imbued with mindfulness. In our case, an IFS informed mindfulness.
When we enter this IFS community, and all of the spaces within this IFS community, we ask that you make a commitment to walk, as well as you are able, the IFS talk, to be mindful in the ways that this precious IFS practice teaches.
When we begin anything that matters to us, we begin with some practice that shifts consciousness from our everyday lost-in-the-sauce mind to greater mindfulness.
For every IFS Healers activity, we suggest that you begin with:
- IFS Parts check in (this can be brief, a minute or two, or a more extended guided or Self-guided check in)
- An invitation to “drop in” followed by prose or poetry
- An invitation to “drop in” followed by prayer (honoring the diversity of people’s relationships with spirituality/religion)
- A moment of silence
- A physical or hand gesture. Like a sign language H over the heart or neck where the pulse is strong. 4 fingers on the chin as thank you.
For every IFS Healers activity, end with right closure to mark an end to some precious time together. Right closure involves pausing and doing some version of the following:
- Doing a brief parts check in to see what is most alive in us. If there is time or space, speak for the part or parts that are now present.
- Sharing a word, sentence, sound, or gesture, something that speaks to where you are now, as the activity comes to a close.
- A moment of silence to somehow mark the end of the activity.
- A closing poem or prayer (again, honoring the diversity of people’s relationships with spirituality/religion)
- A physical or hand gesture. Like a sign language H over the heart or neck where the pulse is strong. 4 fingers on the chin as thank you.
Sometimes, we will be so triggered that we become blended with protective parts that are judgmental, rageful, fiercely managerial, caretaking…. This is not a problem, it is a part of life. In our community, we will strive to remember that ALL parts, even the most difficult, are, in fact, ‘angels in disguise’ and will do everything in our power to make these parts feel welcome, loved, and honored.
We are developing processes to support the wholesome unfolding of these difficult moments, to provide support so that difficult conversations can enjoy right resolution, can be a profound source of healing for ALL involved. Remember, when someone is blended with a very intense, maybe harsh protector, the fact that we are triggered, means that we have work to do tending our triggered parts. This is a massive if challenging trailhead. Both the blended party and the party on the receiving end of some intense interaction warrant support, help, love finding their way through the conflict.
When you find yourself blended with a part, or triggered in a manner that makes it hard to unblend:
- Ask for help from those around you.
- Ask for a time out.
- Commit to following up with the person with whom you are having the conflict. Be specific about when you will follow up. If unable to to that…
- Reach out to IFSHealers conflict resolution persons to help with the process.
- Confidentiality: We agree that all sharings of a personal nature in all courses, community meetings, and gatherings of all kinds not be shared outside of these spaces. In sharing our own experiences outside of these spaces, we will be mindful to protect the confidentiality of members of this community.
- Safety: We commit to taking care of ourselves. IFS gives us the tools to do this. So, we will honor our tender parts and commit to not overriding our protectors’ concerns. We remember that all parts, even our fiercest protectors, intend good and give us an opportunity to deepen our practice of IFS. When we practice honoring our protectors, we make the learning community safer for ourselves and for others.
- AND, we commit to finding and tending and exploring our edges so that we may find the right amount of courage, considered risk taking, to optimize learning, growth, and healing. When we do this, we enrich all learning and sharing spaces make them more safe for ourselves and everyone else.
- We commit to asking for help with risk taking and tending out tender bits. We commit to helping one another do the same.
- We commit to supporting one another with compassion and courage: remember, being fully human is difficult. Our parts will be triggered. AND, this is always a doorway to learning, healing, and growth.